Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Dear Grossly Obese Lady at My Gym....

Props to you for coming in and working out everyday. I know it's hard for me to come in and work out and look at the skinny bitches everyday, and as improbable as it is for me to see myself that way, I probably AM one of those skinny bitches to you. So good for you, and I wish you much success.

Me

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Dear Lady Parked Next to Me at the Walmart...

And I use the term "lady" loosely to include white trash skanks that are exactly what most people think of when they think "hillbilly" and totally make the rest of us look bad.

Your daughter gave me the sweetest little smile as I backed out of my parking space. It'd be even cuter if you'd put out your cigarette, actually strapped your kids into some carseats, and take those babies home and wash their little faces and wipe their noses. Which probably wouldn't be running if you didn't have them sitting in the car with the window cracked as you slowly poison them.

When I pass that law requiring a license to be a parent, you'll be the first one I prosecute.

Get your shit together, please.
Me