Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Soup fight!!

Okay, that's supposed to be like food fight. HHB saw my "No Soup For You" post and is STILL adament that they didn't force me off the couch. I ask if you could sit on four square inches of couch. Because my ass is too big for that. He's started his own blog, just in case he needs to bitch about me. Bring. It. On.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

One thing down

My cousin is doing okay, her hubby just messaged me on MySpace. No blood clots, and he said call tomorrow. That's a relief, I was worried about her. Now once I get the other things figured out, all is well.

My hart. It hurtz.

That's LOLSpeak for misery. Why am I miserable, you ask? In the order that they occurred to me or I found out about them, not the order of importance:

1) The budget for my office got cut substantially from what I asked. It was already as tight as I could make it. I may be able to get more money at the end of the year, but I hate depending on that possibility.

2) It appears that there will be no going away anything for me at the office. I didn't expect a big to-do, but a luncheon or a little festive get together for fifteen minutes to say goodbye and good luck and make an effort to at least pretend they'd miss me would be nice. :( Four years of my life, and my boss is like an uncle or something, you know? It's not like I work for MegaCorp. Maybe I'm jumping the gun on the self pity and they'll do something tomorrow, but no one has mentioned anything.

3) My cousin is 30 weeks pregnant and in the hospital. She's been having chest pain and trouble breathing and they think it could be a blood clot, so they're watching her. Please keep her in your thoughts, this is her first baby and she's already overwhelmed. And her husband can't take care of himself, as sweet as he is, so he's probably worried about her and/or starving to death.

After my grandma called me, I felt like a whiny little shit about the office thing. It's just a hurt feelings thing, I'm not pissed, and I WANT to be cool about it, but I can't. Damn Pisces emotional personality anyway.

Monday, December 29, 2008


HHB and Spider Monkey just pushed me off the couch. HHB started a game for Spider Monkey, then sat down with me, and suddenly Spider Monkey was up in the middle and I was squeezed into four square inches. So I moved to the chair. Then HHB gave me the stink eye for suggesting that Little Wolf could clean off her own bed. So I think the kitchen is closed this evening if you know what I mean.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Complete and Utter Douchebaggery

I just found out that the Ex might have made some piss poor financial decisions that could have cost me my new job. I think it's straightened out, but now people think that I'M financially irresponsible and I've been embarassed in front of my future bosses. I cannot stress enough how much I want to punch him in the throat right now. I hate that my name is still on some of his bills and he can take me down with his sinking ship.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Um, Pantyhose?

Spider Monkey just looked at me and said "What's wrong with your LEGS?!" I busted out laughing and said, "Honey, they're pantyhose!" And he goes, "What are pantyhose?"

Jesus, Gollum, dress up once in a while, your poor kid doesn't even know what hose are!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Ninja Warrior

Bird is now into "Ninja Warrior" on G4. This was HHB's doing. He says what's the big deal, now he's interested in getting fit. (Note, mind you, that HHB made fun of me for my penchant for watching "American Gladiators" on ESPN Classic.) I say when he starts climbing the curtains, which is an actual Ninja Warrior event, you'll be sorry.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A Clue For You

So I'm toying with the idea of doing this new thing periodically, where I try to help men figure out women. Because I'm the expert you know, being, well, a woman. Clearly that means that I know what ALL women want, just like I know what all white people want...all attorneys...all get the idea. (BTW, there's a whole blog titled "Things White People Like" or something like that, if you're interested in a little funny.) I know the concept is a little presumptuous. But maybe, just maybe, as a way of giving all men a clue, I can help HHB deal with the constantly changing array of moods that is me. So really this is about me and him, couched in a more general "What Women Want" kind of style. It all comes back to me, because this is my freaking blog, the one place in the world where I can indulge my inner attention whore. And yes, I know some of you are saying "inner"? What INNER attention whore, that's all on the surface. Bite me, bitches. ;)

Today's clue is...

Women want to be taken care of. Hold your horses, girls, I'm not done. We like being taken care of. What we don't like is being made to feel like we HAVE to be. So indulge us, pamper us, but always let us know that YOU know that we could do it ourselves. It's not that we can't, it's that we deserve not to have to.

By way of being taken care of, we enjoy sweet emails, phone calls for no reason, and small things almost as much as the big gifts. Note, however, that these are NOT substitutes for nice things for Christmas.

Monday, December 1, 2008

A Fairy Tale....

Once upon a time there was a moderately attractive princess who had a new-to-her carriage that she loved very much. We'll call her Princess Passive-Aggressive, because well, she is. Anyway, Princess Passive-Aggressive and Prince Hot Hippy Boyfriend were driving home from a trip to the Magical Fairy Land mortals call Black Friday, when a foolish Frog who shall never, ever become a prince drove his carriage right out in front of Princess Passive-Aggressive's beautiful new-to-her carriage, smashing it all up. Now Princess Passive-Aggressive has to depend on Prince Hot Hippy Boyfriend to transport her to and from work until Evil Frog Boy calls his minions and tells them they are in fact his minions so that they'll pay for a rental carriage. Princess Passive-Aggressive is more aggressive than passive at this news. She wants to step on the evil Frog and squish his awful froggy guts right out of him.

Where is the happily ever after, you say? Stay posted. I'll let you know when I find out.